There’s something that my mind constantly returns to every few months even when it’s not seasonally appropriate, which should give you an idea of how much it really affects me.
I’ve always wanted to fake my death on April Fool’s day. Get a friend to say “Today, Stitchedbitch died of health complications.” and so forth. But I can’t because occasionally I am very close to death (though the last time I was in such peril was about 3 years ago.) and it just wouldn’t be fair to my friends. Though I think it’s fucking funny.
It would shoot my credibilty to shit. I hate when people use their health for pity, something so simple to do online. For all you know I might be a healthy, white, middle aged single father of two. The outpouring of people’s affection and griefe would be interesting to see. (Even if I am a supreme bitch, everyone is nice to The Recently Departed.) But to do so smacks of ego-boosting and narcissism. It’s worse than planning your own funeral, something I believe everyone has done at one point. Who in such situations would toy with sympathies of people like that? And why?
Because it’s fucking funny! Us cripples have to get our jollies somehow. You all laugh at us, which means we can all laugh at you in return. Fair is fair.
Unfortunately my common decency won’t allow me to it. It just wouldn’t be fair. And if I did do it, people would rage, because it’s a terrible thing to do and when I did die, I run the risk of no one taking it seriously.
I suppose the best I can hope for is to actually die on April Fools day.
